What Dads Should Never Say to Their Daughters
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Words carry power—especially a father's words to his daughter. They can shape identity, build self-worth, and anchor confidence. But the reverse is also true: careless or harsh words can echo for years, damaging the very bond a dad hopes to strengthen.
Over the years, two common themes have emerged when fathers seek advice on how to engage with their daughters:
- “Tell it to me straight.”
- “Tell me how to fix it.”
With that in mind, this post goes straight to the heart of the matter—what not to say. Here’s a list of damaging phrases that no daughter should ever hear from her father:
What NOT to Say to Your Daughter
- “You are one high-maintenance girl.”
- “You have always been the most needy of all our kids.”
- “Why do you always make mountains out of molehills?”
- “You look like you’ve gained weight.” (Especially harmful if paired with a nickname about her size.)
- “You got yourself into this mess, so don’t come running to me.”
- “Stop crying. You’re being a big baby.”
- “Do you know how utterly ridiculous you sound right now?”
- “Pull yourself together. When you can talk rationally, then come talk to me.”
- “Go talk to your mother. She’ll understand you.”
- “I gave up trying with you a long time ago.”
- “How do you expect a man to want to be with you when you act like this?”
- “You are wearing me out. I don’t know how much more of you I can take.”
- “You drive me crazy.”
- “When are you going to start acting your age?”
- “You’re a spoiled brat.”
- “I don’t know how you have friends with the way you act.”
- “You’re a selfish b#%*. Can’t you think of anyone but yourself?”
- “In my house, you’ll act the way I tell you to act.”
- “Shape up or ship out.”
- “Want a taste of your own medicine?”
- “What did I ever do wrong to have a daughter like you?”
- “You are a big disappointment to me.”
- “You’re a disgrace to this family.”
- “God must regret having made you.”
- “Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?”
Yes, it’s hard to believe these statements could come from any father. But many young women—across all backgrounds—have heard words like these. Some were said in anger. Some in sarcasm. Others in moments of emotional exhaustion. But regardless of intent, the impact can be long-lasting.
Fathers, remember:
- Your daughter will remember what you said—whether she admits it or not.
- She’ll interpret your words as truth, even if they were said in a moment of frustration.
- What she hears from you helps shape what she believes about herself, her worth, and her future.
What to Do if You’ve Said Hurtful Things
If even one of these phrases has slipped out in the past, it’s not too late to make things right. Many daughters are carrying invisible wounds that could begin healing with a simple, heartfelt apology.
Be the dad who chooses humility.
Be the dad who takes the first step.
Be the dad who says, “I was wrong. I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?”
She might downplay it. She might shrug it off. But don’t let that stop the repair. Inside, she will never forget the courage it took for her dad to make things right.
Words matter. Let today be the day you choose words that breathe life, not harm. And stay tuned for an upcoming post on What Dads Should Keep Saying to Their Daughters—because speaking up in the right way might be one of the most powerful things a father ever does.
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