The One Exercise Every Dad Should Try (That Might Surprise You)

Write the Letter: How Looking Back Helps You Lead Forward

You want to be the best dad you can be.
You read. You reflect. You show up. You love.

But here’s something most dads don’t consider:

Sometimes the best way to grow forward is to look backward.

Not to relive the past—but to better understand it.
To see where you came from, so you can chart where you’re going.

One of the most impactful exercises I’ve ever done with dads—whether they were corporate leaders, single fathers, or even incarcerated men—is this:

Write a letter to your father.

Not to send (though you might). Not to publish.
Just to write. Just to reflect.

Why This Matters

Your relationship with your father—present or absent, loving or painful, encouraging or wounding—has shaped how you see the world and how you parent your own kids.

This letter helps you name those influences.
It helps you uncover what needs to be healed, celebrated, forgiven, or passed on.

Whether your dad was a source of strength or struggle, this exercise can lead to powerful insight—and sometimes, surprising freedom.

What Goes in the Letter? 3 Simple Sections

1. What You're Thankful For
Even if it’s just two things, name them.
Maybe your dad was hard-working. Maybe he always showed up at your games. Maybe he taught you how to fix a car or swing a hammer.

If your dad was absent or harmful, you might have to think differently.
Maybe the absence itself made you stronger.
Maybe a coach or mentor stepped in when your dad didn’t—and that mattered.

There’s value in naming those gifts, even if they came wrapped in hardship.

2. How You’re Different
Every dad-son relationship has contrasts.
Your dad might’ve been quiet—you’re more vocal. He may have been demanding—you lean toward grace.

Some differences might have caused tension. Others might be things you admire.
Get them out of your head and onto paper.

This section helps you clarify your own identity as a father—what values you want to keep, and which ones you want to leave behind.

3. What You Wish You Had Heard or Experienced More
Here’s where honesty matters.

Do you wish your dad had said “I’m proud of you”?
Do you wish there were more shared meals? More walks? More calm conversations?

Instead of blaming, focus on learning.
Ask: What does this reveal about the kind of dad I want to be?

Then say the words you wish you’d heard.
Do the activities you wish you’d shared.
Meet your kids in the ways your father may not have met you.

Bonus: Share It

This is for the brave dads.

When you’ve written your letter, consider sharing it.
Not necessarily with your dad—but with someone close:
Your spouse. Your kids (if they’re old enough). A trusted friend.

Invite conversation. Let your growth become contagious.
And if your dad is still in your life?
Maybe this letter is the open door to healing a strained relationship or deepening a good one.

This Isn’t About Perfection—It’s About Progress

Writing this letter may stir up tears. Or relief. Or maybe a mix of both.
That’s okay. That’s normal.

Because every dad has a story.
And every dad is writing a new chapter, day by day.

So sit down. Reflect. Write.
Not because your past defines you—but because it can refine you.

Your kids will thank you for it—maybe not today, but someday.