She Said ‘You Don’t Listen!’—How One Dad Turned That Sting into a Lifelong Bond
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When dads and daughters lock eyes—phones down, ears open—heaven leans in. Years ago, our Father-Daughter Summits crisscrossed the country, and story after story confirmed a timeless truth: focused presence rewires relationships. That’s why we’re relaunching the events—and why the account of “Scott” and his younger daughter, Emily, still rings in my ears.
Scott thought he was doing most things right. Church every week, sports practices, homework help. Yet Emily—bright, artistic, fourteen—felt unseen. During a daddy-daughter dialogue at the Summit, she blurted, “Dad, you don’t really listen to me.”
Ouch. Any father who’s been there knows the sting … and the holy opportunity.
Instead of retreating, Scott leaned forward. Right there they set a weekly “ear-to-heart” appointment: fifteen minutes of undistracted time, sometimes stretching to an hour, sometimes happening twice a week. No agenda, just conversation. They kept that rhythm all through high school, into Emily’s college years, right up to her wedding, and today—busy mom that she is—Emily still blocks out two phone chats a week with her dad.
What changed? Not Scott’s job, not Emily’s schedule, but Scott’s listening posture. The distance melted; confidence replaced confusion; blessing flowed where frustration once lived. James 1:19 calls every Christ-following dad to be “quick to listen, slow to speak.” Scott simply obeyed—and discovered five priceless dividends:
- Deeper Awareness – He began to notice Emily’s moods before words formed.
- Invitation to Trust – Emily risked sharing hopes and heartbreaks sooner.
- Modeling for Marriage – She tells Scott her husband benefits from those phone calls.
- Generational Ripples – Emily is already planning Daddy Dates for her toddlers.
- Shared Spiritual Growth – Many chats end with prayer; awkward at first, natural now.
Every daughter’s personality differs—some need structure, others spontaneity; some savor story, others crave quick bullet points. Whatever her style (yes, Gregorc fans, all four show up here), listening is the universal bridge.
Below are Seven Listening Moves to help any dad travel that bridge—no table this time, just richer detail for every learning style.
Seven Listening Moves That Melt the Distance
- Schedule Sacred Minutes
Pull out her calendar and yours. Ink in a recurring slot—Sunday strolls, Thursday smoothies, whatever sticks. Regularity signals value, anchoring concrete-sequential thinkers who thrive on predictability and reassuring abstract minds that you’re committed for the long haul. - Silence the Background
Phones off, TV muted, smartwatch on Do Not Disturb. External quiet amplifies internal voice, making room for whimsical tangents and logical progressions alike. - Start with Her Agenda
Ask, “What’s on your mind today?” and let her steer. For analytical daughters, follow her train of thought; for global big-picture dreamers, chase the kaleidoscope of ideas without forcing linear order. - Mirror Feelings, Not Just Facts
Paraphrase what you hear: “Sounds like that group project left you frustrated.” Reflecting emotion assures relational learners you get it; it also sharpens conceptual learners’ self-awareness. - Use Story Threads
Share a short (one-minute) personal anecdote that parallels her situation, then hand the mic back. Narrative invites imaginative thinkers while giving practical minds a real-world template. - Bless Out Loud
Close each meeting with a spoken affirmation: a strength you notice, a Scripture that fits. Words of blessing lodge deep in a daughter’s identity and fuel risk-taking courage. - Revisit & Reinforce
Next time, circle back: “Last week you were nervous about tryouts—how did it go?” Follow-through proves you respect details and keeps the relational momentum alive.
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