Dad: Look Below the Surface

You’ve been there.
Waiting in line. Tired. Hungry. Annoyed.
The person ahead of you is slow. The cashier isn’t responding. Your internal meter is ticking louder than the beep of the scanner. You’re ready to let someone have it.

And then—
You overhear something. Maybe the cashier just lost a loved one. Maybe the person ahead of you is trying to buy groceries with change because they’re short on rent. Suddenly, everything shifts.

You look below the surface—and you see.

That Happens in Fatherhood, Too.

Sometimes we blow up about a messy room or an eye-roll at the dinner table without realizing there’s more going on.
Our kids have stress. Sadness. Confusion.
Sometimes we do, too.

And when those inner tensions collide with everyday family life, it can get ugly unless we pause long enough to look deeper.

Start with This: Ask, “What’s Really Going On?”

That behavior you’re seeing might be the tip of the iceberg.
Maybe your child is stressed about school.
Maybe they’re navigating friendship drama.
Or maybe their heart is just plain heavy and they don’t know how to talk about it.

And here’s a tough one:
Maybe the issue is actually in you.

Did something from work come home with you?
Did you have a rough conversation earlier that day?
Is your anger about a broken rule… or a bruised ego?

Consider This:

When your child messes up, it might be because they don’t know how to do better yet.
They may have good intentions but lack the maturity, skills, or self-awareness to carry them out well.

That doesn’t mean we ignore bad behavior. But it does mean we lead with grace before grit.

Remember: The Relationship Matters Most

A broken toy can be fixed.
A missed curfew can be addressed.
A hurt relationship? That’s harder to repair.

Let your connection—not just correction—guide your discipline. This isn’t about letting kids off the hook. It’s about aiming at their heart, not just their behavior.

Action Points for Dads:

1. Ask Before You React.
“What’s really going on here?” Try this before raising your voice or doling out a consequence.

2. Shift Your Focus from the Mess to the Message.
Did your child break a rule trying to impress a friend? Skip chores because of worry? Understand their why before you decide the what next.

3. Let Relationship Lead.
Don't let a bad day define your relationship with your child. Use conflict as an invitation to build trust—not tear it down.

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