On Father's Day you may get another "interesting" tie, the latest golf gadget or a pair of wild boxer shorts. And then your kids may do something that really makes you feel like a king. Soak it all in, because you deserve it and it's good for your children to honor you.

But as you're celebrating, don't forget that you're also a son, and it's good for you to honor your father or father figure.

There is something in us—written on our hearts—that says, "Honor your father and mother." That's how it's stated in the Bible, but you'll find it in all the world's religions. Ancient Chinese Analects advise, "Surely proper behavior to parents and elder brothers is the [tree] trunk of goodness."

Your father deserves your honor and appreciation for all he means to you-if for no other reason than simply that he is your father. If you feel that he has failed you, honoring him doesn't mean endorsing his irresponsibility, workaholism or abuse; you're not denying what he did wrong or the pain he caused you. Instead, you're choosing to place great value on your relationship with him, recognizing the good he has done and taking initiative to improve the relationship.

Dishonor toward a father is a dangerous form of vandalism. That is true culturally, but also personally. Gordon Dalbey writes, "We had better teach our sons mercy. A man who curses his father ... curses his own manhood."

If you want your children to honor you, model it by honoring your father on Father's Day and all year.

AFFIRM HIM

Honoring Dad is no problem for some men. Honor flows forth whenever they're with their dad. It's unmistakable in the scribbled notes on Father's Day cards and other written correspondence. It's evident in their tone of voice every time they talk to him, and in their efforts to keep in touch and continue a close relationship. For others, it won't be that easy.

If you want to honor your father but don't know where to begin, one suggestion from Dennis Rainey's book The Tribute is to make a list of memories related to your father. (If that relationship involves a lot of pain or abuse, you'd be wise to go through this process with help from a competent counselor. You may have some healing to do before honoring your father is possible.)

What kinds of memories can you conjure up that will help you honor your dad? What was your favorite vacation? What did you enjoy doing with your dad? What smells and sounds remind you of him? Was there a favorite book he read to you or a song you sang together? What was your favorite family tradition?

What do you remember about your dad's place of work? What were his hobbies? What did he encourage you to be involved in? Did he ever coach you or teach you a skill? What is your funniest memory with your dad or with your family? Think about birthdays and holidays, and memorable gifts he gave you.

What did people in the community think of your dad? What sacrifices did he make for you? Which of his character qualities do you now see in yourself? What was the greatest life lesson you learned from him? What did he teach you about being a father?

These positive memories should provide plenty of ammunition to barrage your dad with expressions of honor and blessing. Now, how can you turn them into father-honoring actions? Here are a few ideas (again, from Dennis Rainey's helpful book):

• Write a letter thanking your father for all he's done and all he means to you. Read it in front of him and the whole family. Frame it, and add photos and other mementos that will make it special.

• Buy a small book of blank pages and write one item you're thankful for on each page: "Thanks, Dad, for teaching me how to throw a curveball." "Thanks for the evenings playing chess together on the front porch." Send the book to other siblings so everyone can contribute, then present it to him for Father's Day or on some other special occasion.

• Do a "This Is Your Life" presentation for him, where family members and old friends contribute memories by letter, audio or video tape. Visit locations that are important to him; write a script that incorporates all the stories and gives people who are present opportunities to share what he means to them. Record the entire event on video.